As men know, a woman will inevitably test your frame in one way or another. Often times, she will do this by trying to make you qualify yourself to her in some manner (this is also referred to this as shit testing). If you were leading the interaction and you fall into this trap, your frame becomes that of the chaser, and she becomes the chooser.
You can immediately feel this change in your interaction with her. This is because she gained control of the frame. This feeling is what both men and women intrinsically act upon; if people believe they can get away with acting a certain way based off of their perceived level of control with another person, they will probably do it.
You need to reframe both of your behavior so she feels like the chaser instead of the chased. Although as the chaser you might still be successful at eventually bedding her, holding the frame will maximize her respect and attraction for you and will give you control over your relationship with her.
With all of this said, understanding how to maintain your frame is not just for seducing women. It is a crucial concept to understand for standing your ground and controlling the frame of any type of interaction with any person.
This includes regular conversations, business and personal relationships, negotiations, and anything else you can imagine. Debaters, politicians, marketers, and many regular people all know the power the frame, whether they can explicitly define it or not.
The Definition of Frame
Frame can be defined in several ways.
When defining the frame of an interaction, it can be defined as the interpretation of how the interaction is seen by both parties.
However, if you’re referring to the frame of a man, you are referring to his self-control and composure under pressure.
In a conversation, frame includes the perception of who has more control and value in the context of the interaction, plus any “logical” agreement between both parties.
For instance, if a customer bought a broken product and complains to a business owner, both may logically agree that the customer was wronged. The business owner takes the frame that he will help the customer within his defined limits. The frame of the discussion can shift as the customer attempts to get as much out of the business owner as possible, and as the business owner bends a bit but gives resistance at a certain point.
If the customer were to suddenly pull out a gun, the frame would entirely shift in his favor. The customer (now robber) would be in total control of the frame, instead of in control of just some of the frame.
As you can see from this example, the frame of a conversation shifts depending on words or actions in the interaction by any party involved, along with the other party’s response to those words or actions. However, barring a dramatic event, frame is generally able to be maintained with some wordplay and a demonstration of self-belief.
Frame Is an Essential Concept to Understand
Frame is felt by both parties involved in any interaction. If you feel like you have control over the interaction or more power than the other party, then you probably do.
Sometimes, however, a person may bluff their power to feel in control. It’s up to you to call their bluff to align their frame closer to reality.
As you might have drawn from all of this, frame is primarily controlled by emotion. Fear, happiness, respect, trust, etc; all of these emotions have some role to varying extents when you are interacting with another person.
I don’t have a source for this, but it only makes sense that frame is largely established by a combination of multiple emotions. The way you talk to someone and respond to them is dictated by your emotional response to them.
Even if you don’t feel “emotional” talking to someone, which in most cases you won’t, you still have a degree of respect, fear, anxiety, etc, that may or may not come out when you talk to them, even if these emotions are minor and not felt.
Because of its establishment in the emotions we naturally experience when we talk to other people, frame boils down to our most primal nature. Frame doesn’t care about logical facts, it only cares about who has the strongest presence and self-belief.
When you impose your frame on someone, you are signaling that you are the stronger animal, not that you have the most factual reasoning for thinking the way that you do.
This is a crucial concept of frame that you must understand.
Think of it this way: a man who’s an unapologetic asshole often has a powerful frame. The asshole part doesn’t matter if he doesn’t display shame over his actions.
Even if his existence was morally wrong because he was a murderer, rapist, and/or child molester, he could still impose his frame on people by intimidation, frame control, and an unwavering self-belief. This is one reason why psychopaths are often so successful; morality and emotions don’t stop them from doing what they want to do.
Establishing and Maintaining Your Frame
Now that you understand the concept of frame, understand that there are a few important things you have to do to maintain yours.
First off, you must have confidence in your abilities. Whatever situations you are in, you should know that you are capable of handling yourself like a man and delivering the goods.
I always say this, but you should be a regular in the gym. If you feel strong and you are physically fit, it comes across in how you talk to people. People sense this in you and have an overall greater respect for you. Your interactions come across with more energy. They are less likely to test you, and if they do, their tests are much easier to pass.
The less afraid you are of other people, the better.
Second, you should always be free to walk from as many interactions as possible. This is easier said than done, but you can build your lifestyle to be as free as possible. As you grow older and build more skills, this becomes easier and easier to do if you design your life around this process.
Third, you must understand frame control. Frame control is understanding how to maintain your own frame, how to reframe other people’s behavior, and how to attack other people’s frames if necessary. There will be an upcoming post on this.
Lastly, you must have an unwavering belief in what you do. You should occasionally question your belief system in your downtime to make sure you’re on the right track, but otherwise, you should have the utmost confidence in yourself and your mission.
People will test your self-confidence and self-belief. You must be ready for this. In the long run, an unwavering self-belief is not something that can be faked.
Hopefully, this post helped you understand the concept of frame with more clarity.
In an upcoming post, I will discuss reframing behavior, and why reframing works. I have been considering why it works for a while, after being initially amazed by how effective reframing can be.
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